If a Pilgrim had passionate sex with an MDMA-induced 80's club kid, thse slingbacks would be their illegitimate love child. Miu Miu slingback pumps, $790, at Net-a-Porter.

Snake-embossed block heels > non-snake-embossed block heels. Delman block-heel sandals, $202, at Neiman Marcus.

Trust me like you trust 2 bottles of wine after a miserable day at work - these Gucci's pair pretty with nearly everything in your work wardrobe. Gucci sandals, $625, at Nordstrom.

These are the block-heel platforms that Regina George's mom wore when she claimed she was NOT a regular mom. I promise. This print isn't regular leopard, it is COOL leopard. Coach platforms, $265, at Coach.

The perfect sunshine on a dreary winter's day, these yellow strappy sandals look impeccable with a classic camel coat and distressed boyfriend jeans rolled all the way up. Plus, when you go on vacation in December to some farflung beach resort, these shoes will breathe life into your printed caftans. Steve Madden sandals, $119, at Steve Madden.

These shoes are worth a million bucks but only cost $46. You're welcome. Boohoo sandals, $46, at Boohoo.

These are the shoes you will want to wear when the ball drops on New Years. Snag 'em now before they sell out, or regret it later. Gucci sandals, $595, at Nordstrom.

If you happen to be mistaken for a librarian in these shoes, would that absolutely be the worst thing to ever happen to you? No. So wear them. Topshop velvet low heel courts, $240, at Topshop.

These glittery Gucci's are polished and professional enough to take you to the cubicle but also perky enough to take you to cocktails. Gucci pumps, $795, at Nordstrom.

Grandma will try to steal these, be careful. Kate Spade block heel pump, $350, at Neiman Marcus.

This is that cheap ass shoe you throw on with a bodycon dress to ooze hot shit-ness in the city. Steve Madden sandal, $89,95, at Steve Madden.

A geometric block heel and houndstooth print? Ooof, thank you sweet baby Jesus. Nicholas Kirkwood Houndstooth Mesh Pumps, $695, at Saks.

Glossy black oxfords with a funky block heel are a YAS QUEEN. Zara oxfords, $119, at Zara.

The contrast of an earthy block heel with sumptuous black leather is sleek and modern on these Tibi sandals. I think it would look smashing with this Isabel Marant jumpsuit. Tibi sandals, $385, at ShopBazaar.

Glass slippers worthy of a punk rock Cinderella. Nicholas Kirkwood chevron block-heel pump, $785, at Neiman Marcus.

Dainty silver shoes that remind me of Daisy Buchanan in the Great Gatsby. Because let's be honest, Daisy would ONLY wear Miu Miu while ruining people's lives. Miu Miu metallic block heel sandal, $495, at Neiman Marcus.

These loafer pumps will look epic when paired with this exact look that J. Crew nailed. Topshop leather high-heel courts, $250, at Topshop.

There's a coquettish charm to these patent vegan leather Mary Janes. Maude patent heel, $59, at Urban Outfitters.

A rich shade of oxblood pairs pretty with the foliage still sprinkled across the city streets. Zara block heel leather heels, $89.90, at Zara.

I never thought I'd be cheering for sensible shoes. 100-inch Loboutins that put your life in jeopardy are the ones I will always tell you to wear. But this time around, I've fallen head over heels (sorry but it was my civic duty to go for that pun - it was right there tempting me like Krispy Kremes!) for a comfortable block-heel style.

These shoes also may or may not have studied at Hogwarts with Harry Potter: they magically help you with balance so you don't look like that famous hippo in Fantasia, even though that hippo is and forever will be my spirit animal after a night of binge drinking Jim Beam and making my way home. Anyways, back to my point - It's time to stop jitter-bugging around the West Village pavement in sky-high stilettos. Check out the slideshow for 30 dope styles to test-drive this winter. WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA, LADIES!